Really tired

Trying to do too much as usual.

I have my final year group meeting for the Reader training course tomorrow, at which I have to do a presentation on my placement.

It is my son't birthday but I will have to miss most of it. instead, i will take him to the safari park on sunday, whihc means we will miss church, and I am supposed to be on warden duty and I need to swap at short notice with someone.

i should have swapped ages ago but i have been busy preparing for my next sermon - on the passage about the camel and the eye of the needle, for our 9:30 congregation the following Sunday. This will be the first time I am at the front in that meeting, so I am nervous and anxious to do it well.

I have not been sleeping well lately. I fall asleep on the couch when my wife is talking to me, but if for any reason I wake up in the night, I don't get back to sleep again for hours. Typically - wake for toilet at 1:30am - fall asleep again at 6:15 - alarm goes off at 6:30. Consequently grumpy Dad can't cope with kids all day and they get unfairly told off. Part of the trouble is I lie there fretting about things that I can't change. For example the Sexual Orientation Regulations mean that Catholic adoption agencies - which are the best in the country - will have to close, or else act against their conscience. It is now in effect illegal to practice your Catholic faith in this country. And if Catholics are banned from practicing their faith, what does it say about democracy? What does it say for the future of the rest of churches, will they too become illegal? A bit of persecution is said to do the church good, but i can't say I relish the prospect.

Also this week I have had a daughter sick for three days, or more to the point nights.

My wife's arthritis is such that she can no longer pull the duvet over herself at night, and I tell her to call me but she doesn't dare to wake me up when I am not sleeping well. (We sleep in separate beds owing to her illness, so that she can be comfortable)

I have also lead the latest session of the workplace alpha - whchwas OK but not brilliant, and i am in the support role next week.

I am also supposed to be leading woship at another church service shortly. And I am not sure i am up to it.

Work has been hard lately, in that it has been quiet, and I hate trying to look busy.

My mortage is up for renewal, and we have decided to see if we can get an additional advance to have the basement improved - since my sons' beds are currently pushed against damp walls in there. the job will cost £40,ooo, so i am having stressful meetings with mortgage brokers and dealing with sums of money that are small compared to my £multimillion Civil Engineering projects, but look very big for a domestic budget.

And while i am busy, it serves to emphasis to my wife that she is not.

Lately she has struggled to get out of bed with arthritis in the morning, and she has also had to look after the sick daughter, but basically her future looks blank. and so she is oversensitive to any slight indication of pregancy, real or imagined, in her belly.

Oh yes, also, my 79 year old mum has just had a pacemaker fitted. her heart rate dropped to 30 and she was probably dying, but they fixed that problem. But now she has gone to the other extreme with a rate of 120. they are tring to get her to the specialist as soon as possible next week. My 83 year old Dad has angina, cancer, and failing eyesight. he can no longer watch TV or more importantly read the Bible, which has been his life for the last 75 years or so, and his legs don't work properpy owing to age-related problems in his spinal chord.

The mother in law is going to have a hysterectomy. Unless it is just the latest in her usual game of "any desease you have, I have a worse one".

Well, what is the point of a blog if you can't have a good moan form time to time?

My next post will be positive and uplifting, I hope!