Theologically Conservative, Liberal at Heart

So God has sorted me out. Fed up of me clamouring to Him for an answer, He has put me into the True Freedom Trust – a place where I could be theologically conservatively comfortable while at the same time acting in a fraternal and accepting manner to my gay brothers and sisters in Christ.

This in itself is a miracle, for which I thank Him.

So why am I still tossing and turning at night?

Well, my next sermon, based on Hebrews 6, is about realising that the simplistic black and white faith I had as a child is not a reflection of the full glory of god, and that as I grow older and wiser, it becomes more complex and less clear cut.

Now if you preach, you have to practice what you preach.

So is now the time to become less black and white about homosexuality?

What I want – what my heart truly wants - is to be in a church where people who find themselves to be gay can have their partnerships celebrated; free from persecution; finding full acceptance.

But our faith is not about easy, convenient answers. And just because we think something is loving and beautiful does not mean it is right in the eyes of God – witness the case of the man who had his father’s wife and the church was proud, proud but wrong. Our faith is not about making God rubber stamp what WE think is OK. It is about examining our lives in the mirror of Scripture; to see if we match up. And if there is a difference, it is us who must change. And it is about inconvenient obedience.

So I remain theologically conservative, but liberal at heart. And if I was a pew filler, it might not matter, but as a licensed Reader with a little bit of influence on church policy, it does matter what I say and think. And it matters that what I say and think has to be correct. I don’t want to teach or encourage error. I don’t want to condemn what is good, or condone what is bad. And the conflict between my conservative and liberal views – held with equal passion – tears me apart.

And if I feel this way, when I am not even gay, how do my gay brothers and sisters feel?

Lord God, send me clarity of vision, to love as you love, to be pure as you are pure, to teach as you teach.