The feedback from my first attempt at ‘leading worship seems to have gone down OK. In fact, putting false modesty aside, the Vicar seemed very pleased. This was despite his attempts to sabotage me – as is his custom – by leaving it until very late before giving me instructions so that my earlier preparation is wasted. I must get into the habit of pre-emptively asking what he wants.
I am also still being praised for my sermon two weeks ago.
And I have just had my photo taken at work for the in-house magazine article on my upcoming licensing.
But the praise heaped on me serves only to emphasise how little appreciation my wife has been given for her equally good contributions to services in previous years. Which is why she gave up on church, and tried fostering, which was unsuccessful, and is at the root of our current efforts to conceive.
So perhaps this root of bitterness is why we still fail to conceive, even though I do believe it is God’s will to have another baby.
And even as I write, she is at home, neither pregnant nor not pregnant – feeling implantation sensations but bleeding: Awkward bleeding that is too strong for implantation but not strong enough (and too early) for a period. So we just don’t know, and continually ride the rollercoaster of not knowing but hoping, only to have hopes raised and dashed. Since Christmas she has spent more time bleeding than not bleeding. And wouldn’t you be fed up with that on its own, regardless of the emotional and spiritual rollercoaster?.
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