Clutching at straws

Hi there!

We went to the hospital for a scan on Wednesday morning. There was nothing to see. They tried to comfort us with the idea that 'the womb might be hiding something', but we felt they were just trying to be positive. They took some blood for hormone tests, promising to call back in the afternoon.

I took the rest of the day off work, and we went for a family walk. The movement got things going, and we had to ruch home so that MRs could go to the toilet for thicker, more clotted bleeding. By the time the phone call came, we were already convinced that the baby had miscarried, and were not surprised that the hormone levels were low. We still have to go back fro another test on Friday, to confirm whether the hormone levels are going up (good but highly unlikely) or down (bad but likely).

Today, her bleeding is much less, but her tummy bump has gone down, adding to the conclusion that the baby has gone.

So where does this leave our faith?

We believe God wants us to ahev a baby, so why does it not come? Is he too weak? Is he trying to teach us more? This pregancy would have been good timing for things too numerious to list here - now all that is gone. The clock is ticking as Mrs gets older and we can't leave it too long before having a baby.

If we have been wrong about this, what else are we wrong about? Am I also wrong about moving to freelance work, which I believe is from God? (I found out today about major tax obstacles which need big changes to my plans and I will probably have to leave my employer completely.)

Are we the most deluded people on earth?

Or is God just testing our faith? And is this then a God of Love?

So you can see that today we are really messed up.

But we have been in times like this before, and God has always lifted us out of them. And so we continue to trust, and despite everything, Mrs has come out with some really strong statements of faith in the last 48 hours.

Watch this Space!

(Salt lake at Uyuni, Bolivia. I went there as a child. I pinched his picture off the BBC website [i think] - apologies if it breaches your copyright - put in here to illustrate how lost we feel.)