Well I’m having a dreadfully dull day at work so I might as well spend time on the blog – though I had more or less given up on it since it was taking to much time and too much emotional energy engaging in debate on other blogs.
Mrs has finally stopped bleeding, nearly 4 weeks after the main miscarriage and 6 weeks after it started.
It has been a major blow to her physically, emotionally, and spiritually, but I think things are finally beginning to pick up. It’s perhaps hard for any new readers out there to appreciate how the miscarriage devastated the whole of her life. The pregnancy was THE PLAN to resolve an ongoing mid life crisis, and an on-going sense of rejection in various walks of life. More importantly, we felt it was the path God had sent us on, and so when it failed we had a lot of questions about whether we had heard correctly from God, whether God does in fact give detailed guidance for day to day life, how much prayer works and how much life is predestined (in love of course) regardless of how we pray. For example, my daughter’s class at her Church of England school had been praying specifically that the pregnancy would be protected against miscarriage. So that means that about 30 children who might have developed a faith and belief in the power of prayer will no longer have that belief. Can God then blame them if they lack faith later in life?
Another factor was that for Mrs this baby was going to be her passport to renewed activity in the children’s work at church, from which she has felt excluded in the past. And yet the people that she would have to work with in that work are the people who have wound us up most in the aftermath of the miscarriage – everyone else in the church ahs expressed sympathy and sent cards, but these particular people – one being our cell group leader tasked with our pastoral care, has not sent a card and has cold-shouldered my wife when she could have been a real comfort. I can’t tell the whole, story here, but we feel really betrayed by the people who should have been there for us when it counted, and these are the people Mrs was hoping to work with in her grand solution to life, and yet can’t now stand being in the same room with them. So there are still huge frustrations and issues to deal with, and the big question of her life remains unresolved.
But it is not all doom and gloom. We also received a nice card from some other people that we have found difficult in the past, and so this may be an opening for better relationships there.
Also, while Mrs was still pregnant, I booked a three day break for us in Paris as a Birthday present. This was to be a case of ‘if we don’t do it now we never will’ sine the baby would put an end to travel for a long time. In the end the holiday became more of a therapeutic break, part of comforting her after the miscarriage. Easy Jet got us there and back in relative comfort, though we had to sit separately on the way there and coming back it was clear that the French skill at organising railways does not extend to organising the boarding of planes.
We stayed in a two-star hotel. Originally this was supposed to be “Hotel Modern” at Rue Forest near the Moulin Rouge, but when we arrived for our pre-booked room they said it was being refurbished and that they had moved us to another hotel just out the back, with better rooms and a quieter area. Well it was quieter, because it was a long walk from anything useful. (Hotel du Roi Rene in Batignolles), and the ‘better rooms’ were dingy and small. The shower was hot but barely dribbled, and the electric socket was loose. I would not recommend either hotel to my worst enemy.
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