Photo credits

The Embalse de Riano in northern Spain. The picture was taken by .... me!

Tuesday, June 10

Really need your prayers

The fall out from my wife's formal complaint gets worse. It uis now having a serious impact on the family.

Because her levels of trust have now dropped to an all-time low, she is now afraid of even meeting people in the street. She sees no future for herself in our town. So she has unilaterally decided that we are moving to another area - a more scenic one.

this would of course wrench children away from their schools and friendship groups. So she has made arrangements for me to stay here for a year with our 5th child (who can't stay in the same room as me because she suffers from misophonia and doesn't like the sound of my breathing), while she would take our 6th and 7th to the new place. But 6 would be the worst affected in terms of social group. the others are all at Uni.

Mrs thinks that the new place, being more scenic, would promote family unity, with nice walks in hills and by the water. But that has gone badly wrong. None of them want to go at all, and had a most disrespectful scream-at-mum session. So now she is hurt and offended too, that they should talk to her that way. She has cancelled their summer treat to Alton Towers.

To her credit, she is now trying to accommodate their desires, by looking to sell our house and but two small ones instead, one here and one there, with complex plans for weekend visits. But its all knee-jerk stuff. She pronounces that she has 'had a revelation' and declares what the revised plan is, but no one takes her seriously because they know that tomorrow there will be another plan.

I am caught in the middle. I fully understand her desire to move. But I also understand why the kids are angry at having it dumped on them without notice or consideration for how they might feel about this. She has failed to sell it to them.

so when I talk to them I defend my wife, and when I talk to my wife I defend the kids. Trying to be the bridge, I am hated by all for defending the others.

Also, financially, the plan makes no sense. She doesn't really get issues like a loan-to-value ratio and the concept of getting any kind of mortgage when you are 50 and already have a 5 x salary mortgage.

So no one wants to move, except her (and the 5 year old who has been promised a kitten in the new house). But to ask her to stay in this town will lead to her utter despair and sense of rejection. She desperately needs a fresh start.

And I need support too. I spent five minutes sitting in the car in the office car park before coming in today - just crying. With howls. I just don't do that - I get a tear running down frequently enough, but this was just uncontrolled. people often ask me how I cope. I joke 'I don't'.

But right now its not a joke.

And also, how do I get her to seek counselling/help/therapy without her treating it as another attack on her?

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