Vestments on trial

I returned briefly to my placement church last night for Sunday evensong.

Well, if I am more honest, I went to see if I could borrow a cassock and surplice for my licensing next week [since I will wear them too rarely to purchase].

Coming home, it dawned on me that none of my family had ever seen me in robes. I guessed that they might find it amusing and even have a bit of a laugh, and decided that I should get this over and done with by modelling them at home, rather than have them burst out laughing at their Dad as I process up the aisle on Saturday.

Well, it’s a good thing I did. Child 3 has only two modes: Adoration of what he sees as cool (eg shiny football boots), and extreme mockery of what he sees as rubbish (eg anything unrelated to football). So I had to endure shrieks of laughter and ridicule from him. Next was Child 4 – more laughter. Child 5 “Dad, you look like a girl. Shall I get a ribbon for your hair?” Child 6 – ditto. Child 2 – normally the most respectful – “Face up to it Dad, you look really stupid”. Child 1 was shut in his study revising for exams. I opened the door and he looked at me for a fraction of a second then let out a long high pitched scream.

I turned to my wife for comfort – mistake. She was very much on their side.

So, I was glad to have got it over and done with, but it was worse than I expected and quite disappointing as I expected at least my some of own family would be more supportive and encouraging.

Worse, earlier in the day I had dropped off tickets for the event at my brother’s house. We live in the same town but our paths rarely cross in the business of life and I haven’t actually seen him for two years. His first words “Good to see you”? No such luck … “My goodness, you’ve aged!”

Well so has he but I’m too polite to say.

So I moaned to my parents about this on the phone. And they agreed with him, saying I look older than he does (and he is 5 years my senior). They blamed my former vasectomy – though I actually started going grey when my daughter was in hospital and the doctor thought she was dieing.

So, shall I abandon my family and go and live in a monastery somewhere?