Photo credits

The Embalse de Riano in northern Spain. The picture was taken by .... me!

Tuesday, May 12

Need a new client XV

Still no sign of work. The things I hoped for last week did not work out. Something else I applied for at the weekend, convinced it must be the right one, failed at the first hurdle.

Back to depression again, back to the sense of faith being challenged. Back to the sense of being unwanted. (Or at least unaffordable!)

Having discussed with Mrs - decided to apply for local 'permanent' jobs, on the basis that if it's not right the Lord can close the door. And so I have spoken to a local agency, who will explore the prospects with a few local branches of the main consultancies. Now, whist I am doing this 'in faith' that God can shut the door, I still feel a bit like Abraham taking on Hagar, lacking patience and trying to hurry along God's plan by human intervention.

Although I am outwardly full of faith, under this there is the layer of depression and despondency. But below this is the core faith, that God has never let me down before, and won't do so now.

So although out of a sense of responsibility I feel I have to go through the motions of job hunting, I still feel that the right job has yet to come. the real question is about how much digging I need to do for it to come. It seems unchristian to do nothing, yet it seems faithless to strain and struggle trawling the Internet and applying for every unsuitable job I see.

Guidance, please!

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