Photo credits

The Embalse de Riano in northern Spain. The picture was taken by .... me!

Saturday, May 4

Still hanging on.

I find that my faith has, on an intellectual level, taken a real battering by my wife's teaching on Daniel's lions.  If the story does not have at least a source in a literal story of a man being saved by God, if it is just an invention projected back on a King Arthur type figure, then it is of no value.  It cannot say 'God saves people' if in fact he did not save on that occasion.  It is a delusion.

So why do I still believe in Christ?

Because he speaks to me.

When I am at rock bottom, I call for an answer.  And it comes.  Not every time, but on the key moments.  Not as an audible voice, but through other means.  In the most recent case I was calling for deliverance from temptation, and received an email which said in summary "It depends what you really want".  The temptation was very desirable, but the life I would have by resisting was better.  It was the Word of God to me at that moment.

And I have had my moments of unexpected spiritual ecstasy.  My moments of divinely inspired preaching. 

And there is of course the fact that having been brought up as a Christian, I just don't know how to live as a person of no faith.  I don't know how to behave day to day.  I don't know how to live without the constant conversational prayers that involve Christ in my day-to-day.

Of course, these could all be just psychological.

But Rob Bell writes in Velvet Elvis that our faith should be one that can survive finding out that we were wrong on core doctrines.  God is bigger than our transient theologies.

So my faith perseveres.  Just.  I have some evidence for it, and I don't know how to do without it.  But my brain questions the faith and my logic for hanging on.

And I'm hoping to apply for ordination??!!??

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