Photo credits

The Embalse de Riano in northern Spain. The picture was taken by .... me!

Thursday, May 15

In shock. Churchless.

So, my wife has submitted her complaint against the Vicar, and the procedural wheels are turning. Who knows how he will respond, but we suspect he will not take the opportunity for repentance and reconciliation, and will instead take the route of self-justification. The one true judge in heaven sees all.

But in the meantime, we are without a church. Our names are still on the roll at his church, but we can't envisage ever being able to go back. I have a pre-arranged meeting with the archdeacon regarding my working agreement for the readership, and it will be very hard to know what top say to him.

We don't feel able to go to another church in the town, because its only a small town and everyone in all the churches know each other. we have no escape to a fresh start. And its impractical to go to a church outside the town. We've tried it before, and you just can't get into it unless you live locally. And we are stuck denominationally, too. I am still basically Anglican at heart, but Mrs' view of the Church of England is currently very negative. And we are stuck in terms of locality unless I can get a job somewhere else. i do keep applying, but nothing comes of it. i suspect that the Lord would not have us move until the case is determined.

Basically, we are broken. We are ruined. In a state of shock. In emotional trauma. We have not lost faith - just about - but have lost everything else. Our life is a complete wreck.

I suppose we have to recognise that the way we feel in the future may not be the same as the way we feel now. If we win the case - not that there can be winners in a case like this - maybe some of her faith in the institution will be revived. But I think she has basically decided that she is to be a lone wolf. I'm not sure that suits me. I can go to a church on my own, but it will always seem empty and wrong without her at my side. Also, since her liberal theology has largely trashed my faith, I don't really know where to go anyway.

I had not expected to feel so sad.

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