Miracle baby arrives!

Hi

I am thrilled to announce the birth of my daughter on 24th July 2008. (I haven't been able to post this earlier because I left my blogger password at work)

Mrs...being an older mother with a history of miscarriages ...went for a routine check the day before, and they found that the baby had wriggled out of position and was now 'in breech'. So they demanded that she come in for a caesarean the next day.

At 9lb 12oz (4.42kg), it was probably the best thing for her.

Mrs has given her a fantastic name - long and a bit of a mouthful, but with a deep meaning such that her very name is a gospel message wherever she goes, without being embarrasing. Shame this is an anonymous blog!

The first week was increasingly difficult, until we twigged that she wasn't getting enough milk and switched to formula. Instant new baby! She slept 9.5 hours last night. So much for 'breast is best'!

This birth is of the essence of this blog. It is quintessential. A normal life with God is an adventure that leads you to do things that you would not normally do without him. It is a NORMAL LIFE ADVENTURE.

For those that have not been following the story, we are an older couple in our 40s, with 6 other children. I had had a vasectomy owing to my wife's arthritis medicine being harmful to unborn babies. But the Lord called Mrs to have another child. After prayer for healing she was able to come off the drugs (though she still has rheumatoid arthritis), so we sought guidance about vasectomy reversal. My GP laughed his head off, and then told me 101 reasons why it was unlikely to work. I could not get it done on the National Health Service, but a private doctor was much more positive and had me dome within weeks. We got pregnant quickly, but miscarried at 7 weeks. After a longer wait, she became pregnant again but miscarried at 14 weeks. Then we had a long wait, and seriously doubted if we had heard the vision correctly. We had more prayer for pregnancy and healing. eventually, she did become pregnant agian, and this time has carried it to full term. Normally, rheumatoid arthritis flares up after a pregnancy and she has a hard time after the miscarriages, but so far she has been ok with this one (though it's too soon to say for sure). So, God has givin the vision and then he has fulfilled it. (see my post for 21 July 2006)

"I'm confidenent of this very thing, that he who has begun a good work in you will complete it". (Philippians 1:6)

baby due soon

Waiting (im)patiently now for our baby to be born. (click the 'pregnancy' label/tag to get the full history behind our MIRACLE baby - and as a PS to reinforce that today's BBC website has an article about the reduced chances of MEN of my age being fertile)

It’s due at the end of the month, but the midwives say it is a big baby, and given other health history issues they don’t want to let it go past the due date. So Mrs is seeing the specialist on Wednesday. Hopefully they will decide to induce it early rather than let it grow bigger.

But… for my birthday celebration I have organised a paintballing expedition this weekend. I have said that ideally, the baby would come afterwards, since I have already paid for it and invited guests etc.

Mrs thinks this is very selfish. But I did deliberately arrange the trip two weeks before the due date – surely that is enough! But many of my guests have been unable to come, and the substitutes have also had other previous engagements, so I still have 25% vacancies. She thinks this is divine guidance that my paintballing ‘aint gonna happen, because the baby will come first.

We will see who is right!

It’s true – there IS a God!

This is demonstrated by my wife’s against-the-odds pregnancy. God told us to have a baby, we did what we needed to do and despite the doctor’s mockery and cynicism [and after a long slog and much doubt] the baby is now on its way.

But, as described in my previous posts, we want this baby to be a gateway to areas of service.

Now, in our church we are currently doing Rick Warren’s 40 Days of Community for lent. (By the way, see Kyle’s excellent discourse on lent here.) Part of the lesson is to make the most of every opportunity to speak to people, breaking out of our normal circle of friends. So when my dear wife was at the school gate waiting for our kids, she saw a couple to whom she was once introduced but has not spoken to since. So, obedient to the church’s teaching, she approached them and made polite conversation. This developed into a deeper conversation about children, which lead on to her telling the story of our near-miraculous conception. And as part of that, my young-looking wife admitted her true advanced years, and the woman gasped, and threw her arms around my wife.

It turns out that many years ago she had a sterilisation, of which she now repents, but being in her thirties though that it was now too late. Obviously I am skimming over the story here. But the upshot of it is that my wife’s obedience has resulted in her speaking God’s words into that couple’s life: that they too can (and should?) have another baby.

Doesn’t it scare the pants off you when God transforms from an abstract concept into a real being who DOES things?

arthritis, conception

Only negative news on the above topics.

Together with the 'invisible woman' post below, my wife's faith is barely clinging on by its fingernails.

Great holiday, but came home depressed

Just come back from a great holiday.

I am a 'sad' man in that my greatest pleasure is to dam and divert water channels on the beach as the tide goes out. This time I went equipped with a bigger spade than usual. Over ambitious, tried to divert a major stream through a sand/shingle bank requireing a trench 1m deep and 10m long. Only managed 40%, but had great fun anyway.

thoughout the holiday Mrs was late for her period, with just minor signs of bleeding. by Thursday we had convinced oursleves that finally we were pregnant. This meant of course that on Friday moring the period came in a rush.

Now OK, I don't subscribe to 'get rich quick' prosperity gospels, but I do beleive that becoming a christian involves hearing his voice and doing what he says. so if you are convinced he has told you to have another baby, and then in obedience you go and try, but 18 months later you still have nothing to show for it, then you are entitled to have something of a crisis of faith. At least doubt about your own ability to hear God. And if I am wrong on this, who is to say that the whole Christianity thing is not wrong also? In the Bible the preaching of the gosple was confirmed by signs and wonders. They seem absent from my life at present.

Still no baby

Yet another month passes with no pregnancy.

More despondancy, more gloom, more questioning if we have read God's will correctly, more 'opportunities to see God's perfect timing' blown away, more cynicism, more planning for perfunctory dutiful sex, more value placed upon the child that miscarried in January (which would have been born this month).

We have now been trying for 14 months, including the two miscarriages. Seems longer!

This comes just after a visit my her mother, father and sister. Rather than taking the opportunity for reconciliation their words adn actions served only to deepen her sense that they really don't care for her. So her flesh and blood don't love her, and it feels that God does not love her either.

It is not for me to defend Him.






Yet this blog is about walking on water. And today's verse of the day at left reads:

Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.” (Jeremiah 32:17)

So we have to keep on trusting in God.

The rollercoaster calms down

We have done a bit of research.

It seems that many of our worries are a consequence of the early signs of menopause, rather than anything else.

This is good in some ways and bad in others. The irregular periods are not a series of mini-miscarriages or failed implantations, they are just irregular periods. And quite a lot of the sensations may be menopausal rather than fertilisation, implantation, etc. So our emotional rollercoaster can now ease off a little. Fewer false hopes, fewer let-downs. The bad news of course is that there is a reduced chance of pregnancy – it’s harder to get the timing right and conditions in the womb are less favourable. But this also means that the possibility of two eggs being released is slightly greater, which might render the twins she wants.

Was it a miscarriage?

Reading the signs, it may be that what Mrs has experienced over the last few days was a kind of mini-miscarriage. She may have been more pregnant than the test indicated – we think that there was probably something happening but that it was doomed to fail from the start. This could be counted as a week 8 miscarriage, though we doubt that any embryo had developed to the 8-week stage. This would explain why she felt things were happening, why the last period was small, why she felt bloated, why she didn’t ovulate last month, why this period was large and [sorry guys] clotty, and yet why the pregnancy test had been negative. Hopefully the way is now open for the next attempt….

Not pregnant

If i had been numbering the posts on this subject i would be getting quite high by now.

Mrs remains unpregnant.

Why?

We are sure we heard from God to try.

Will we have to wait until our 80s, like Sarai and Elizabeth?

Why has her arthritis been worse since she was prayed for?

How does one keep faith when all the signs are against you?

Anointing with oil

We asked the Vicar and Curate to come and anoint Mrs with oil, praying firstly for an end to conception troubles and a succesful pregnancy, and secondly for the easing of her arthritis, particularly during the anticipated flare-up after any birth.

The bad - the Vicar got distracted and started praying for my readership ministry - which showed where the focus of his mind was and served to further rub in my success and her lack of it. Fortunately the (female) curate got him back on track.

The good - after the session, Mrs got up out of the sofa in one smooth movement, for the first time in months! Other problems remain, so we shall see how extensive any healing that may have taken place is over the coming months.

Is this it?

Well, don't tell anyone, but we might have a pregnancy going.

We have had some sensations but they felt different from the usual fertilisation and implantation things (more fo a burning feeling), and then she had a period, so we hought it was out.

But come this months ovulation, nothing happened, instead, the feelings seem to be getting stronger, more like morning sickness.

So - it may be good news something may be working. But then again, it may be a repeat of last summer's miscarriage when she didn't develop along her normal lines and it ended a 7 weeks.

Watch this space.

If this is a pregnancy, it came about while we were rocking the caravan on holiday - great stuff! Anyway, we have one fantastic name for it if it is a boy - a name that would be full of divine anointing. Can't wait!

Conception worries again

As usual, nothing is simple. We can not be left to simply try each month. Each month she feels pregnant and is convinced fertilisation has taken place, but then menstruates either early or late so that we can’t accurately predict the dates for the next attempt, and so she has a constant rollercoaster of emotion.

But now we can’t even settle into that rhythm. She now experiences burning sensations in her womb, and is increasingly anxious. Is it just a new manifestation of the usual fertilisations feelings? Is it a pregnancy going wrong that will ultimately end in miscarriage and further damage to her mind and body? Is it the sign of other unknown obstetric problems?

Praise exposes injustice, and a woman's woes

The feedback from my first attempt at ‘leading worship seems to have gone down OK. In fact, putting false modesty aside, the Vicar seemed very pleased. This was despite his attempts to sabotage me – as is his custom – by leaving it until very late before giving me instructions so that my earlier preparation is wasted. I must get into the habit of pre-emptively asking what he wants.

I am also still being praised for my sermon two weeks ago.

And I have just had my photo taken at work for the in-house magazine article on my upcoming licensing.

But the praise heaped on me serves only to emphasise how little appreciation my wife has been given for her equally good contributions to services in previous years. Which is why she gave up on church, and tried fostering, which was unsuccessful, and is at the root of our current efforts to conceive.

So perhaps this root of bitterness is why we still fail to conceive, even though I do believe it is God’s will to have another baby.

And even as I write, she is at home, neither pregnant nor not pregnant – feeling implantation sensations but bleeding: Awkward bleeding that is too strong for implantation but not strong enough (and too early) for a period. So we just don’t know, and continually ride the rollercoaster of not knowing but hoping, only to have hopes raised and dashed. Since Christmas she has spent more time bleeding than not bleeding. And wouldn’t you be fed up with that on its own, regardless of the emotional and spiritual rollercoaster?.

Same old questions

So we have blood spots. Month after month the same questions – is this implantation or an out-of-synch period as the body settles down after the miscarriage?

Since it has gone on a bit too long, does this mean it really is a period, or does it mean that her protracted ovulation sensations meant that she released two eggs on two days(being out-of-synch after the miscarriage) and hence two implanatations on two days?

There is a very narrow boundary between faith for miracles and pure fantasy, and I suspect we cross to the wrong side too frequently.

Gather the broken pieces

This weekend I attended the final year group meeting of my training course prior to my licensing in April.

We each had to do a presentation on our three month placement. ie I had to listen to 17 sermons!.. well sixteen, actually, becasue numebr 6 was mine. It was of course the best and most enlighteneing and stimuleted the most discussion up to that point. I surprised them all by truning up in a cassock and surplice, and spoke about how much my views of vestments (and most things anglo-catholic) had changed during the placement.

But good though my talk was, it was totally outclasssed by the person after me. She was a lady in her 70s, short, clinging to the lecturn to control her nervous shaking, and yet she delivered a fantastically well-prepared talk, whihc he best stand-up comedians would have been proud of, and she had us rolling about in fits of laughter with tears rolling down our cheeks.

Another woman's talk also contained God's word for me for the time - based on the feeding of the five thousand, where the disciples are told to gather up the broken pieces, and of course find that these are more than there was to start with. she was speaking about a placement at a homeless charity, but for me it applied to our own circumstances, where we feel broken and can't understand why this has happened if we were in god's will. yet in the feeding, the bread started off in jesus's hands and it was good and perfcet, yet had to be broken by him so that more could be made of it. and so, i now felt, that we were in God's will, in a perfect place, and yet he had to break it to make it more. THis has helped me to understand some of why god has given us such a rough time of late.

And so I went home, and Mrs was gald to hear what I reported, especially since she could report to me that she had had some blod spotting - which almost certainly meant that she was pregnant again. And so we were ecstatic for 24 hours.

It helped that our youngest, riding his new bicycle on his 7th birthday, was cycling off into the distance on just his second day without trainer wheels!

But the joy was short-lived, since this morning her bleeding has expanded to a full gush and it turns out that it is just her cylce getting back into routine after the miscarriage, and not a pregnancy.

So why did God allow us to be told there was a ripe follicle when we went for the scan? Why did he lead her up the garden path with an appearance of a definite implantation blood-spotting, only for it to be a period? why does he give us these falkse dawns? why the rollercoaster of ecstasy is despondancy?

Why does he put me back in a leadership role for the workpace alpha, discussing "how does God guide us?", when I am really messsed up about these things? How can I preach when i barely believe?

And so I open up my blog to pour out his frustration and rage, and find that the verse of the day in the panel at the top left is “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.” (1 John 4:9)I have been missing the point. I want God's love to be expressed in him solving what I think are the problems, but he shows his love by adressing the REAL problem. And are not my trivia nothing in comparison to what he has done?

God is working his purpose out

Today’s main news is the fulfilment of God’s purposes.

Followers of my blog will know that in answer to my prayers for an increased income, God showed me the path of working as an independent contractor, rather than as an employee.

Well here I am, in my new working arrangements. I should say new job, except that I am sting at the same desk doing the same thing, its just that instead of a multinational engineering consultancy getting the profit, I do! This has to be a gift from God!!

I have not yet reported on Sunday’s Church. This is because I have been spending the time (far too much time) participating in the vestments debate on Vindicated. Reading the debate you probably don’t appreciate just how much my views have changed as they are influenced by my placement church and by Kyle Potter’s Vindicated blog. I salute you, Kyle!

Sunday’s church was, well, different. The sound system failed, and instead of processing up the aisle to organ music with dignity, we processed up the aisle to the terrifying, deafening, horror science fiction feeeeeeedback!!!. The only thing whiter than the vestments was the silently panicked Vicar’s face.

Fortunately things came under control in time for the service to start properly shortly after we arrived at the end. In his sermon introduction the Vicar invoked the patron saint of PA systems, praying to him/her to keep the gremlins out, amen. So now all you Anglo-Catholics can set up blog debates as to why displacing our prayers to God onto the saints is not idolatrous. I can just about accommodate the idea that asking a saint to INTERCEDE for us is just like asking a living friend to pray for you, but I can’t stretch to praying directly to the saint for the saint to do something for you. That is to treat him/her as a god, and breaches the first commandment.

My own prayers, [after much editing-out of my favourite bits by the Vicar so that only the bland bits remained] seemed to go down well. People commented on how clearly they could hear – I think this was a polite way of saying I was too loud. But I have been trained to project my voice and there was also a microphone, and it takes practice to get the volume right.

I must spend less time blogging and commenting on blogs, and my resolution for today is to only check them once a day, and that must be during lunch break not working hours. It has been becoming too much of a compulsive addiction lately. Time for some self control.

Mrs is keeping quiet about whether she feels pregnant or not. We have had too many disappointments before, and it is not implantation time yet. We can but wait and see.