Church update, and theology of guidance

We keep having contacts with the old church.

• While going to meet my wife at Hospital I bumped into one of the ladies who used to be in her groups – one of the prime suspects for our troubles.


• Same day saw the treasurer in Tesco – tried to pass discretely behind her but she started turning round just as I was passing. Fortunately eyes didn’t meet.


• That afternoon the Vicar emailed me for a meeting at the mid-point of our ‘sabbatical’. This was at the height of my wife’s illness, so I had a good reason to decline. We were far too stressed already to be dealing with him.


• Mrs met the church secretary in Neros. Polite but empty conversation ensued.


• While Mrs was taking daughter to blood test, met Vicar in waiting room. Again, polite but empty conversation.

Now: if we were feeling positive about the old church, we would see all these co-incidences as God-incidences and go rushing back. But since we still loathe the leaders there, and none of those we met said how much they missed us and want us back, of course we interpret it as God showing us that we definitely can’t go back. Are we being consistent here? I think not. Not least; we haven’t given them a fair chance to say it. I declined the meeting. I avoided the treasurer. The other encounters were in public places where they probably felt it was not appropriate to risk talking about serious thing, knowing how sensitive we were and given to losing our tempers with them. So I think we should give them a chance to say more formally that they want us back and to make proposals for that return…. even if all it does is prove that they are not sorry for what they did and don’t really have any constructive proposals – it would be like last time when they asked us for our proposals, when really the onus was on them. They did the damage, it was for them to remedy it. I really struggle with forgiveness. I know the theory that we should take the initiative in these things, but I find I can’t forgive and work with people who don’t acknowledge their guilt and don’t show any signs of remorse or repentance. Well, God doesn’t forgive under these circumstances either. But I am stuck with unforgiveness and the heavy heart and sense of guilt that goes with it. And if I was on my own I could eat my own humble pie but I am with my wife who is the one who was really sinned against, so I can’t get all chummy with those who hurt her until she has forgiven them too. So we don’t feel the door is open to us to go back, and we have no desire to go back. And our lives have been marked with God’s blessing since we left so he’s clearly on our side …. Except that Mrs has been totally crippled with a massive flare up of arthritis that has stopped her going to the shop round the corner. What’s that all about? Is it some kind of punishment from God for leaving? Is it the devil trying to stop us doing a good thing in the new church? Or is it just a flare up that was due to happen anyway in the natural progression of the disease? Or was it caused (or aggravated) by the stress of it all? She’s on prednisolone tablets now and slowly improving – hopefully she will be reasonable mobile in time for our once-in-a-lifetime holiday next week.

Honesty box

There’s an honesty box in the office kitchen for people to put money in. So they want honest people to put money in. Honest people to do the opposite of dishonest people. That’s what the ‘dis’ bit means. So, if they want honest people to put money in and they want them to do the opposite of dishonest people, this means that they must want dishonest people to take money out. After all, if dishonest people did leave the money there then the honest people, doing the opposite, would have to NOT leave it there (and take it out). So one way or another, they want either the honest people or the dishonest people to take money out. And if they want people to take money out, I’d better go for my share now before its too late.

Family news

Full house Sunday night for the first time in ages: eldest back from college, second back on a surprise visit from his year in industry.

Evening service

I tried the evening service at our new church this weekend. Only 20 people there, sitting in the choir stalls. But for many churches this would be a good number for their main service – so can’t complain.

The service was much more Anglican than at our old church, following the liturgy closely.

Apart form the curate, no one made any attempt to welcome me, though they were friendly enough when I spoke to them.

The sermon was good.

I was sitting right next to the organ, and in the smaller space the singing was much better than I feel it is in the morning service when there are about 200 present.

Despite it being in many ways not the deep arms-raising intimate worship I miss form the old church, it was very good as an oasis from my busy life – a time of enforced quiet. I will be going again!

Play church idea

This has been very much on the back burner while Mrs. has been ill. But we did go there this Sunday to meet a potential couple who have been struggling recently. We recently dismissed the idea of having them as joint leaders, as they reported each other to be ‘out of faith’. But it turns out they have been attending a local Baptist church, and seemed to be in a better place. In fact they seemed to think they were pasturing us! They were formerly members of our old church, and now that we have the opportunity to compare stories it seems that their problems were very similar to ours, and involving the same problem people at the old church. So it was nice. But they also seemed to contradict themselves (and us!) so I don’t know where this will end up.

On one level it was the play church – families meeting for fellowship while the children play together – and though it was very informal it was probably close to our objective.

Church update

It was hard work this week. We’ve recently stopped baby form having a dummy, so it was quite intensive for the first 15 mins. Then she went into crèche with Mrs, but by then my brain was fried and although the sermon was good, I can’t remember much.

I struggle with worship at this church. The organist and choir are all elderly ladies, pitching the songs very high, and I have no chance. I end up coughing with a sore throat. Some songs are band-led, which are better, but the band has no strong lead vocal and you feel lost.

Mrs says the crèche was a dead loss too, the lady doing a teaching session that was good but aimed at the older ones with insufficient recognition of the little ones. It was a baptism Sunday with several visitors, who clearly hadn’t felt the crèche met their needs. Its good in the sense that there is a clear need which Mrs can meet, but how to do so without causing offense to those that are already working hard with devotion, if limited skill?

Confirmations

Mrs bumped into an former member of our old church at a another toddler group today. What do these ladies have in common?

1. Former childrens workers at our old church
2. Felt underappreciated
3. Tried to do something special with the kids work
4. Were told they were expecting too much
5. Treated very rudely by the same man, who is now the Sunday School Superintendent

How’s it going at our new church?

We have noticed for the last two weeks that they have been appealing for help with the toddler group.

Even though I felt this was a perfect opportunity for her, Mrs has been reluctant to get involved. Having been hurt by the previous church, its once bitten twice shy. Also, it is very inconvenient to get there: being arthritic she’s not going to walk the 10 miles. She does not drive and there is no direct rail or bus route.

But eventually she agreed to go, just as one of the mums rather than as a helper, because she wanted to see what it is before committing herself too deeply to withdraw if she doesn’t like it.

So I took a detour on my usual commuting trip to drop her off. The car park was jammed full, and women with pushchairs were converging from all directions – a good sign!

She seemed quiet and tense when I got home, and wouldn’t say anything till the kids had gone to bed, so I feared the worst.

But she had had a fantastic time. The entire set up was exactly aligned with her own approach to running a children’s work. Bright colours, good quality toys laid out in planned areas. Refreshments provided for young and old, but children kept away from hot coffees. It was right up her street. Everything organised, but not rigid. It is a popular toddler group – apparently they had 90 children last week! The only thing was that she saw no craft activity, but that is one of her strong points where she can make a contribution. So she was very happy about it, and will certainly go again and see if she can make herself available as a helper in some capacity. It was a complete contrast to our old church, whose toddler group [which Mrs was not part of the team running it] charges twice as much but only has dingy second hand toys, no refreshments, etc etc, -and dwindling attendance.

Her tension arose from her return trip. She had to walk 20 minutes to the town centre, which was harder on her arthritis than she expected (There is no such thing as a folding push chair that is easy to push). She had lunch at MacDonald’s and took the baby to the toilet there, and then went to the bus station. There, the baby – who is very well toilet trained – grunted and filled her pants with poo. Mrs had to use the bus station toilet to clean her up. She would struggle with this kind of thing at home, but in a public toilet with a dirty floor and a struggling toddler – it was a complete nightmare. Stressed from that, she came out to find the bus about to go. And then she couldn’t get the pushchair to fold up and the bus driver was shouting at her to hurry up. In the end she carried it o unfolded and lifted it onto the luggage tray, overstressing her joints in the process. The bus lurched as it started before she had sat down. There were no seats together. The one good thing was a teenager who gave up his seat for her to sit with her baby – so credit to him. And of course we have recently stopped the toddler form having a dummy so it was “I want my dummy!” loudly up and down the bus for half the journey.

Conclusion:

God definitely wants us to go to this new church. He saw the way she was treated at the old church, and has taken her out of the place where her skills and philosophy are not wanted and put her in a place where she fits.

The devil does not want us at this church, and will do what he can to discourage and make it seem impractical.

Church update

We actually made it there this week. Rather distracted – my daughter peed all over my lap just after we sat down. The Mrs ended up in crèche for the rest of the service. Our son still greatly enjoys the Sunday School.

And the weekly leaflet included an appeal for more helpers in the mid-week toddler group (since they are getting 90 kids there!), and although we didn’t think it was possible for her to go to this in fact its not so bad if I drop her off on the way to work. So Mrs is going to explore signing up as a helper, and this may be the beginning of the reason why God has [adjustment bureau style] moved us to this church.

So the clouds are lifting on her health, and the clouds are lifting on our church troubles.

The Adjustment Bureau (film review)

It’s a very good film. Enjoyed it very much on three levels:

1. It a good thriller
2. It goes a bit deeper, asking questions about the interaction of free will and ‘fate’ (i.e. predestination but in secular language). It makes a premise and then examines how that premise might work. (But don’t get too deep – its just a movie)
3. It was just right for my wife and I in our present situation, wondering if we have gone ‘off the plan’ by leaving our old church, and being reassured by God through the movie that we are OK.